Sparky's Big Hit
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: You ever heard of the cover song? Well, here's the world's first-ever cover episode. Thank You, Heavenly tackles the storyline of the most controversial episode in the history of Arthur. Where did it go wrong? When did the moral become lost? Can Thank You, Heavenly fix that?


Thank_ You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day

SEASON 2

EPISODE 2

Airdate: October 6, 2013

Title: Sparky's Big Hit (cover of the _Arthur _episode "Arthur's Big Hit")

Segway Segment: RoundTable ("Should One Direction be considered the next Beatles?")

Special Guest Stars: Justin Roberts as Himself

Satire/Social Commentary: Where the episode went wrong in terms of execution/morals, what it takes for traditionally non-aggressive people to snap, believing hype over substance, peer pressure

11/9/13: Good day, readers. Due to an unfortunate script malfunction, the scene where Bitch Clock gets beaten by Sparky had to be rewritten and the original RoundTable discussion got deleted also. However, a new discussion containing the same question will be written before Thanksgiving, for those interested in the topic. Happy reading! :)

(title card, which is a parody of the same one used in the original episode)

"Sparky's Big Hit"

Written By: frostyfreezyfreeze54, Joe "Toolbox" Fallon (original episode)

Storyboard: frostyfreezyfreeze54, Robert Yap (original episode)

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky gets his long-awaited package, based on the doorbell ringing and the sound of a box dropping)

SPARKY: Is it here? Is it here, is it here, is it here?

(Sparky sees the package is addressed from MacNamara Toys; It's here)

SPARKY: YEAH, BUDDY, IT'S HERE! WOOOOO! UHHHHHH!

(Sparky starts beatboxing and breakdancing simultaneously in celebration)

BITCH CLOCK: Dude, can you shut the hell up? I'm trying to get my beauty rest.

SPARKY: You're an alarm clock. You're not supposed to know what a beauty rest is.

BITCH CLOCK: What's this? A Do-It-Yourself Dildo?

SPARKY: No. Last time that happened, I had to go to the hospital for surgery on my...cookies. Anyway, this is a model replica of the Bell X-1 airplane. It was the first plane to surpass the speed of sound.

BITCH CLOCK: This piece of worthless junk broke the sound barrier? Yeah, and Michael Phelps doesn't take steroids.

SPARKY: You have to build the plane yourself, you metalhead dumbass. No more Megadeth for you. And Michael Phelps doesn't take steroids. Does he?

(Sparky stares dead at the camera)

BITCH CLOCK: Well, this just looks like a bunch of smashed-up scrap metal.

SPARKY: Stop touching the pieces! You'll break something.

BITCH CLOCK: I just don't understand why you would send away for crummy material like that. I thought you were smarter than I give you credit for, Sparky. Turns out you're an idiot like I thought.

(Sparky angrily stares at Bitch Clock)

BITCH CLOCK: OK, OK, I'm going. But don't say I never did anything for you. Whenever you want me to go, I'm already running out of sight trying to leave. In fact, you should consider it a privilege that your bum ass has me in your presence to give you constructive criticism and advice and such. And another fact...

SPARKY: Bitch Clock, go.

BITCH CLOCK: If you say please like the Mary Sue you are, I would be gone in two seconds flat. I'd be faster than James "Cool Papa" Bell when he steals a base, and that's so mind-blowing, it shouldn't even be legal. But all you have to do is say "please."

SPARKY: JUST GO THE (BLEEP) AWAY!

(Bitch Clock leaves while Sparky takes a look at the parts)

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: You got a model plane? Cool.

SPARKY: It's not just any model plane. It's the Bell X-1 model plane.

WADE: Sparky, the Bell X-1 is rarely ever made anymore. It's just two months away from being certified as a collector's item.

(The group, now including Jaylynn, stares at Wade)

WADE: Hey. I'm cool, I'm hip, I live that thug life. I know these things.

RK: Here's some advice, Wade: Never talk about model planes while you're living that thug life.

(Wade swats RK's hand off his shoulder)

JAYLYNN: So have you started building it?

SPARKY: Yup. Yesterday until I went to bed. All I need to do now is paint it. That is, if Bitch Clock is kept out of my hair.

BUSTER: Why would Bitch Clock be in your hair?

SPARKY: Being in your hair is an expression. It means someone who's constantly annoying you.

RK: I hear you. Mr. Tuxedo Pants is constantly touching things she shouldn't. Especially late at night.

We cutaway to a scene in the middle of the night. RK's area is grabbed by Mr. Tuxedo Pants.

RK: GAAAAHHHHH, SON OF A BITCH! KG!

KG: Join the club, she did the same thing to me last night.

SCENE 3

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is painting the Bell X-1 model orange, as a nod to the original color. There's a jar of orange paint over a layer of newspapers on the table. To keep his clothes from getting stained, Sparky is wearing a University of Washington sweatshirt and black Adidas sweatpants.

SPARKY: And we danced all night to the best song ever, we knew every line...

BITCH CLOCK: Sparky?

SPARKY: I WASN'T SINGING ONE DIRECTION! Oh, it's you. What?

BITCH CLOCK: Is that the same smashed-up piece of junk you were building yesterday?

SPARKY: Is Lucas Cruikshank gay? And don't do that again, I need to concentrate.

BITCH CLOCK: Wow. You know, I never really liked orange, but this color just POPS with zest.

(imitating Danny Tanner) SPARKY: JOEY!

(Bitch Clock spills the paint jar over the newspapers)

BITCH CLOCK: My name's not Joey.

SPARKY: _Full House _was on when I came home today. But that's not the point, you just spilled the damn paint!

BITCH CLOCK: Oops. Hey, I'd love to schmooze, but I have to keep my livelihood intact.

(Sparky gently sets the plane down, and starts chasing Bitch Clock around the house)

SCENE 4

The MacDougal Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

(Buster is following Sparky up the stairs; Sparky is now wearing Washington State University sweatpants and a Cimorelli sweatshirt, which has the signature of all six sisters)

SPARKY: Buster, as my best friend, you get a sneak peek of my Bell X-1 plane before the grand unveiling tomorrow. A little preview. A snippet. A small taste. A sample if you will...

BUSTER: I get it. But hey, I thought Jaylynn was your best friend.

SPARKY: No, she's my best FEMALE friend. You're still #1, buddy.

BUSTER: Aw, this is why I love you.

SPARKY: Thanks bro.

BUSTER: So, is it done yet?

SPARKY: Actually, no. It still has to dry. But I can't wait to see my hard work...

(Sparky opens his door to find Bitch Clock touching his model plane)

SPARKY: Bitch Clock, don't touch that, the paint's not dry yet!

(Sparky sees that the plane now has dry smudges on it)

SPARKY: Great. Now look what you did!

BITCH CLOCK: Why didn't you tell me the paint wasn't dry?

SPARKY: Because when someone tells you not to touch it, they expect their instructions to be followed. And wouldn't you be smart enough to know?

BITCH CLOCK: Stop comparing me to humans, I'm an alarm clock for Christ's sake!

(coughing under his breath) BUSTER: Atheist...in...the house.

BITCH CLOCK: Great, now I have orange paint on my hands. Nice going dumbass.

(Bitch Clock uses Sparky's sweatshirt, which he just got a week ago, to dry his hands and leaves, infuriating Sparky to the point where he grits his teeth)

BUSTER: You know, I literally never thought about this before, but having an alarm on my iPhone is nice.

SCENE 5

The MacDougal Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

It is the next day, and it looks like some rain is coming. Sparky invited all of Testicular Sound Express over for the grand unveiling. Despite all the struggle with Bitch Clock, the plane is orange with no smudges, dry, and glistening. To make sure he finally gets the point, Sparky left a yellow Post-It saying: "Bitch Clock, DO NOT touch this plane."

SPARKY: This is the best thing I ever made.

RK: Try talking to me about that when I'm in the bathroom.

(Jaylynn disgustingly stares at RK)

WADE: This is amazing. (takes picture with Kodak camera) So, so, amazing. (takes another picture) In a couple months, these pictures will be worth thousands.

BUSTER: It really looks great.

JAYLYNN: Nice work, Sparks.

SPARKY: Thanks for the support, guys. Who knows? This could win a blue ribbon.

Sparky is now having a dream sequence. He is about to receive a prestigious award. Orville and Wilbur Wright, the brothers from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina who invented the modern airplane, are here to present it to him.

SPARKY: Wow. The Wright brothers. You guys came back from the dead to honor me with this award?

ORVILLE: No, it was just Resurrection Day at our cemetery.

WILBUR: Sparky Morton MacDougal...

SPARKY: Seriously, does everybody know my middle name?

WILBUR: We bestow upon you the first-ever Wright Brothers Ribbon Of Excellence for outstanding achievement in airplane replication.

ORVILLE: You brought the Bell X-1 to life in a way that no one has done before you, and possibly no one will do after you.

SPARKY: Wow. My third blue ribbon this year.

(Sparky waves, blows kisses, and poses for the camera like a boss)

(The group understands what's going on, but not Jaylynn)

JAYLYNN: Is he having a seizure again?

BUSTER: No, just another dream sequence.

SPARKY: Oh. Sorry about that, guys.

RK: Was Chuck Yeager in it?

SPARKY: Better. The Wright brothers.

WADE: Cool.

SPARKY: This calls for a celebration snack. Cookies, anybody?

(The group bumrushes the kitchen for some cookies)

SPARKY: Hold on! Don't ruin my sexy floor!

BITCH CLOCK: Did I hear you say cookies?

(Bitch Clock looks at Sparky's finished plane)

BITCH CLOCK: I have an idea.

Back in the kitchen, Sparky is giving Santa's Little Helper a celebration snack as well.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, you like that? You like that? Yeah, I know you like that.

(Bitch Clock starts "flying" around the room with Sparky's plane, wearing a popcorn bucket for a helmet and asking for instructions from "The General")

BITCH CLOCK: Bitch Clock to headquarters: Sierra Tango 434. I repeat, Sierra Tango 434. This just in: Sound barrier broken, thanks to yours truly, Pilot Bitch Clock. What's my next mission, General?

(Bitch Clock looks out the open window, which appears to be getting a good breeze)

BITCH CLOCK: Of course. The original plane broke the sound barrier, so who knows what the model can do? Breaker, breaker, this is Sac-Town 2007. I repeat, Sac-Town 2007. There's a good breeze today, General.

(Sparky pretends he's flying the real Bell X-1 around the living room while Buster, RK, Wade, and Jaylynn are inside the kitchen, eating cookies and conversing)

SPARKY: Sparky MacDougal, winner of 5,000 blue ribbons, requesting landing coordinates. Talk to me, General. General? General? SPEAK TO ME, GENERAL!

(The plane can be seen out the window and crashing, but Sparky is oblivious to it)

BITCH CLOCK: Sparky, you can't build a plane for shit. It didn't fly at all.

SPARKY: Oh, Bitch Clock, I built it exactly right. Perfectly to scale.

(long pause while Sparky realizes what Bitch Clock just said)

SPARKY: WHAT?!

SCENE 6

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky sees the destroyed plane, gasps, looks at Bitch Clock, and has another dream sequence)

Sparky is at the exact same ribbon ceremony.

WILBUR: Sparky, for bringing disgrace and shame upon the Bell X-1, we're stripping you of half your blue ribbons, effective immediately.

(Wilbur rips Sparky's ribbon off his suit jacket)

SPARKY: But I didn't wreck it! My alarm clock did!

WILBUR: You sick bastard!

(Wilbur slaps Sparky hard, then leaves)

ORVILLE: You tease!

(Orville does the same thing to Sparky)

POLICE: OK, Mr. MacDougal, you're under arrest.

SPARKY: For what?!

POLICE: For manslaughter of a model plane.

SPARKY: No, you don't understand, you jerks. (Sparky is now being held away in handcuffs) I'M NOT THE GUY! I'M NOT THE GUY! I'M NOT THE GUY! I'M NOT THE (BLEEP) GUY!

Back to reality.

BITCH CLOCK: If that plane is capable of breaking the sound barrier of all things, falling out of a window shouldn't even leave a scratch.

SPARKY: I told you not to touch it, you asshole!

BITCH CLOCK: You built it with the intelligence of Tim Taylor. I bet you didn't even read the directions.

(Sparky is now infuriated beyond belief, having rolled up his hand into a fist)

BITCH CLOCK: It didn't fly for one second. If your incompetent ass can't make a plane that can fly, that's not my fault.

SPARKY: I TOLD YOU...NOT TO TOUCH IT!

(Sparky punches Bitch Clock right in the arm)

BITCH CLOCK: Dude, that (BLEEP) HURT!

SPARKY: You've made my life a living Hell for years, Bitch Clock. And now it's time for you to pay.

("Can't Be Tamed" by Miley Cyrus playing in the background)

Sparky repeatedly punches, kicks, and stomps on Bitch Clock. Eventually, he can't take it anymore and starts to whip him with his belt. 14 lashes represent the seven years Sparky has had with Bitch Clock, combined with the seven years of torment. Now the alarm clock is bleeding profusely. Sparky finishes off the beatdown with the Jaylynn STF (stepover toehold facelock while using a steel chain for added pressure, instead of the arms). Bitch Clock's right arm is severely damaged.

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Here is your winner...SPARKY MACDOUGAL!

(Sparky notices that RK, Wade, and Jaylynn saw everything, and they're shocked)

JUSTIN ROBERTS: I guess I'll be leaving now.

(The "oh-oh-ohhhhh-oh" from the _Big Time Rush _theme song plays as Sparky nervously chuckles, not knowing how to explain the situation)

SCENE 7

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

BITCH CLOCK: Are they going to have to amputate my arm?

WADE: Not if I, Dr. Wade, have anything to do with it. In light of your injuries, I'm the one who's in charge and I'm putting ice on your arm. Damn, Sparky really did a number on you.

BITCH CLOCK: No kidding. He's a hateful, psychotic monster.

(Wade puts ice on Bitch Clock's arm)

BITCH CLOCK: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

WADE: What is it?

BITCH CLOCK: That's so cold, man.

Meanwhile, RK is talking to Sparky near the staircase.

RK: Can you please just apologize to Bitch Clock and get it over with?

SPARKY: RK, you don't understand why I had to do it. I spent three days making this thing. I told that jackass a million times not to touch it.

BITCH CLOCK: Go to Hell and die, Sparky.

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

WADE: Sparky, this means no TV for a week.

SPARKY: Wade, you don't even live here. And I'm the leader of TSE, dammit!

WADE: Sorry, I just wanted to see how that sounded.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, don't you think what you did was wrong? I mean, beating up an alarm clock over something as simple as a model plane?

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I've had Bitch Clock since I was in preschool. And I've always regretted the day I wished he could be a humanoid. He has zero respect for me or my stuff. He criticizes as much people as he can. And after I told him time and time again not to touch it, this happens. Bitch Clock deserved it.

RK: Sparky, come on, you're better than this. Violence is not the answer. I mean, it's just a plane.

SPARKY: A model plane that cost me $50 to send away for, and now it's just broken scrap metal. Wait, hang on. Where's Buster?

WADE: He wanted to find out what happened tomorrow morning.

SPARKY: Oh.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, you're not seeing the point. You can't just assault somebody because they did something you didn't like.

SPARKY: What? You guys are ridiculous. I've known Bitch Clock for seven years, and he has made my life a living Hell for seven years. I'm not even an aggressive person by nature. It takes a lot for me to pop off on someone like that. You guys don't even give a damn about what he did to me.

RK: What he did was wrong, Sparky. But what you did crossed the line.

(Sparky sulks to himself, not gaining any sympathy from his own friends)

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is getting Buster caught up on what happened; he's the only one that didn't see anything)

SPARKY: So I couldn't watch TV last night because Bitch Clock needed it to deal with the trauma of "healing up." And he's probably going to do that all week. Can you believe that?

BUSTER: No, I don't believe it. You beat up your alarm clock? That's terrible.

SPARKY: Oh, come on, like you never had to kick someone's ass?

BUSTER: Nope.

(Sparky and Buster pass by Manny, Will, and Travis, who are at the bike rack)

WILL: Can you believe that? Sparky beat up Bitch Clock. I for one am shocked.

MANNY: About time somebody taught that bastard a lesson. If it were me, I would've killed him.

TRAVIS: How can you be shocked about Sparky doing this? It was inevitable. Matter of fact, how can you be shocked about this kind of thing in general?

WILL: Sparky's usually above this. And what's wrong with being shocked?

TRAVIS: Because you're Will Barfield, you get the job...come to think of it, I can't remember the last time you hit anybody.

WILL: What do you mean? My fighting days ended long ago.

(bell rings)

WILL: Well, there's the bell. Hate to be late. It's a crime how I kill this rhyme.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

(Will is getting his things together for class in his locker)

TRAVIS: So when was it, Will?

MANNY: Travis, lay off him, OK? William Barfield of all people does not need to remind us of his brutal, glorious pre-fourth grade fights.

WILL: That's right.

MANNY: That he is afraid of no one is a well-established factoid.

WILL: That's right.

MANNY: And he can prove it right now by socking the very next kid who turns that corner.

WILL: That's rig...Wait, what?

(The very next kid who turns that corner just so happens to be Sparky)

TRAVIS: Go ahead, Will, sock him.

WILL: Maybe I don't feel like it.

TRAVIS: You better feel like it or you might as well have just lost my respect.

WILL: Lost your respect? We only became friends last year.

TRAVIS: If you wanted everything your way, you shouldn't have told me what happened before fourth grade. The next time you see Sparky, you sock him.

(Travis and Manny leave the area)

WILL: The next time I see Sparky, I have to hit him. Oh, what do I do? Hey! What if I never see him?

(Will now has the confidence to begin his day, and a plan)

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Appleyard's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

It appears that more people have found out about Sparky's assault. Jhoan and Ashley sit at the same table with Sparky and Buster.

JHOAN: Sparky, you bastard, that alarm clock wakes you up every morning. How can you not even apologize?

SPARKY: He broke my (bleep) plane!

(Jhoan starts laughing)

SPARKY: Why is it so hard for people to see my side of this?

ASHLEY: Because you're whining and complaining instead of taking the high road and owning up to what you did.

JHOAN: Hey Will, did you hear Sparky beat up his alarm clock?

(Will walked in with a book covering his face and still has it on; That way, he doesn't have to see Sparky, and he doesn't have to hit him)

(pretending not to acknowledge Sparky) WILL: Oh, I haven't seen Sparky. As far as I'm concerned, Sparky's dead in my eyes.

(Buster and Jhoan are bewildered)

JHOAN: Will's so upset about what Sparky did he won't even look at him.

Later on, Mr. Appleyard is teaching a lesson about day and night.

MR. APPLEYARD: When the day and night are of equal length, it's called the equinox.

(bell rings, and Will is already heading towards the door; he meets Travis, and Manny is closely following Will)

TRAVIS: You sock Sparky yet?

WILL: Haven't seen him. Sorry.

(Will leaves, but Manny catches up)

MANNY: Will, I'm pretty sure Sparky was in first period.

WILL: Really? I didn't notice.

MANNY: Are you trying to avoid Sparky in hopes that you'll never have to hit him?

WILL: Yes, Mrs. Havisham, you SHOULD beg Pip for forgiveness. (laughing) They can't beat the kid.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(Will wants to go in, but he doesn't know if Sparky's there; he notices RK and Jaylynn)

WILL: Hey. Is Sparky in there?

(Jaylynn sees Sparky eating a sandwich; Buster is noticeably there along with Wade)

JAYLYNN: Yeah, why?

WILL: Um, I'll just eat outside then.

JAYLYNN: I heard what Will was doing. Now he won't even eat near Sparky.

RK: That's awful. We should bring them together. Sparky will thank us.

RK is bringing Sparky outside, hoping for him and Will to "patch things up"; Sparky oblivious to what RK's trying to do; To avoid being seen, Will jumps into the bushes.

RK: Will's around here somewhere.

A soccer ball then falls into the bushes.

ASHLEY: I'll get it.

(Will gives Ashley back the soccer ball)

ASHLEY: Thanks.

(Ashley sees that something's up)

ASHLEY: Will? What are you doing in there?

WILL: Trying to avoid Sparky. If I don't see him, I don't have to hit him.

ASHLEY: Oh. Why would you want to hit Sparky?

WILL: I don't, that's why I don't want to see him.

ASHLEY: OK then? (under her breath) Boys are so weird sometimes.

Will can't even use the bathrooms anymore without being paranoid. He sees Wade come out.

WILL: Is Sparky in there?

WADE: No.

WILL: OH, PRAISE THE LORD! PRAISE THE LORD!

(Wade shakes his head in disappointment, having heard what Will is doing as he runs into the bathroom)

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The kids are coming back from recess, and Sparky is talking to Halley. He knows she'll be on his team. Or not.

SPARKY: Great, now my own girlfriend doesn't understand. He broke my plane!

HALLEY: Not that I don't understand. But he's just what wakes you up every morning.

SPARKY: Saying Bitch Clock is just what wakes you up every morning, is like saying Hurricane Sandy was just a storm.

(Will is now hiding in the ferns inside the school, and unfortunately, RK sees him)

RK: Sparky, over here!

WILL: Hey, what are you...

(Will pushes RK into the ferns)

SPARKY: That sounded like RK. This has got to stop.

("Don't Believe The Hype" by Public Enemy playing in the background)

The next few scenes show Sparky stating his case to several people. They either have already heard about what happened or he somehow told them. And nobody believes that he's right. As one last resort, Sparky uses his free period to go on the TSE radio show and talk about it. He takes calls from students, who don't think what he did was justified. Will is also seen multiple times trying to avoid Sparky.

Later that day, Will walks out of school with a book covering the back of his head. He successfully avoided Sparky all day.

WILL: Well, I made it through one whole day. Now only...the rest of my life to go.

(Will is on his way while Sparky is coming out minutes later)

SPARKY: Well, I guess I have to give this pen back to Will. I can't believe only Wade and Manny think I was right to beat up Bitch Clock. I don't care what Drake says, your Day 1 niggas won't always come through for you.

SCENE 14

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Building

Seattle, Washington

Manny, Will, and Travis are actually walking past the joint.

WILL: So I never saw Sparky again. Probably never will.

TRAVIS: But aren't you guys in the same class?

WILL: Yeah, but you know Sparky. Always knowing how to blend in with the crowd.

SPARKY: HEY, WILL!

(Will now realizes what he has to do)

(imitating Professor Oglevee) WILL: DAMN!

SPARKY: You dropped your pen when you ran out of school kind of, sideways at the end of the day.

TRAVIS: Here's the chance you've been waiting for.

MANNY: Will, this is the only shot you've got to shut Travis up. Might as well pop Sparky one.

(Sparky is holding up Will's pen and smiling; Travis and Manny egg Will on; As Will is about to back out, he imagines Sparky as a Satanic minion with black-and-red face paint)

SPARKY: Go ahead, you bastard. You know you can't do it. You're just a little boy. GO AHEAD DAMMIT, CLOCK ME LIKE A MAN!

(Urged by the daydream, Will now has confidence and punches Sparky in the arm)

SPARKY: (short pause as the pain starts to set in) GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, THAT (BLEEP) HURTS!

TRAVIS: Guess you were right, Manny. He still got it.

MANNY: Well, Will, you got the job done.

(Will quickly walks away while Sparky is on the ground, still hurting and breathing heavily)

SPARKY: GOD!

SCENE 15

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

Now Sparky is the one that has to be treated by Dr. Wade.

SPARKY: And the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. I haven't felt this much pain since the Heat beat the Spurs.

RK: Well, maybe that's how Bitch Clock felt when you beat him.

(Wade rolls his eyes)

SPARKY: Maybe. But have you seen Will lately? He could kill a fifth-grader if he wanted to.

(RK and Jaylynn stare at Sparky; Buster knows this is too much, but he mouths "do it" to Wade)

SPARKY: Yeah, I guess I get it.

JAYLYNN: What goes around comes around, right?

SPARKY: Right.

WADE: THAT'S IT! I can't do this anymore with you people. How can you sit there and let this be the conclusion? Sparky has done nothing but be the best owner he can possibly be to Bitch Clock, and he gets nothing in return. Just disrespect and abuse day after day. And the one time Sparky tells Bitch Clock to follow his instructions, he doesn't. Bitch Clock has had this coming for years. And to make matters worse, not only do you guys not care about what happened to Sparky, you pass off Will's random act of violence as karma? When those white guys jumped me, people didn't take my side because I was just a little kid. People took my side because they beat me out of racism and sadism. They had a legitimate reason to. True, maybe Sparky overreacted, but he had every right to. If I were him, I wouldn't change a thing. And I know you two wouldn't either.

(Wade leaves the house, and Sparky smiles)

BUSTER: Wade's right. Maybe what happened was terrible, but what's even more terrible is that you two of all people won't cut my best friend some freaking slack.

(Buster leaves the house, and Sparky smiles again)

RK: Wow. Sparky, we owe you an apology. A serious one.

JAYLYNN: We were just so caught up in what you did, we didn't understand WHY you did it. I'm really sorry, Sparks.

RK: Me too, old chum.

(Sparky hugs RK and Jaylynn)

SPARKY: Thanks guys. But I think I have my own apology to make.

(Sparky leaves the kitchen to find Bitch Clock)

BITCH CLOCK: Hey.

SPARKY: Hey.

BITCH CLOCK: I heard everything in there.

SPARKY: Yeah. Look, Bitch Clock...

BITCH CLOCK: Sparky, I'm sorry. For everything I did this week. Calling the plane smashed-up scrap metal, spilling the paint jar, touching the plane when it wasn't dry, and breaking it. Hell, I should've been nowhere near that thing.

SPARKY: It's OK. And look, I'm sorry too.

BITCH CLOCK: For what? Even I knew I had that coming.

SPARKY: For beating you in the first place. Look, you may be the single most annoying alarm clock the world has ever seen, but I shouldn't have snapped like that. Maybe next time, things will be different.

BITCH CLOCK: They should be. I called MacNamara Toys. They're giving you another shipment of the Bell X-1 for free.

SPARKY: Really? Thanks, dude!

BITCH CLOCK: Just one question.

SPARKY: Shoot.

BITCH CLOCK: What kind of plane doesn't fly?

SPARKY: A MODEL plane?

BITCH CLOCK: Oh well, I'm an alarm clock. The only thing I'm sure of is that vodka tastes great going in, horrible going out.

SPARKY: Ewww.

SCENE 16

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Playground

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is riding through the park on his bike, while Will is sitting on the swings, depressed over what happened yesterday)

WILL: Sparky? Look, I feel rotten. I want to apologize.

SPARKY: I just want to thank you.

WILL: You...you what?

SPARKY: Yesterday, I learned two things: That I wasn't as wrong as people said I was, and that you made me see how bad I made Bitch Clock feel.

WILL: Well, I never meant to teach you some boring lesson. What happened yesterday shouldn't have happened in the first place.

(Manny and Travis come by with their bikes)

MANNY: Sparky, I salute you for getting hit by Will and living to tell the tale.

TRAVIS: Maybe I'll introduce you to my friends sometime.

WILL: Hold on. This whole thing is bogus. I let you punk me out yesterday into doing something I didn't want to. Well, Bryan, nobody said third grade is over. How would you like to go one-on-one with the kid?

TRAVIS: No, sir, I learned my lesson. No more peer pressure.

WILL: Come on, Sparky. Sodas on me.

TRAVIS: Well, I feel like a jackass.

MANNY: I'm going home. See you, Travis.

WILL: You guys want to join us?

(Manny and Travis decide they have nothing to lose)

WILL: Let's form our own stable, with no stupid physicality and whatnot. And if anybody breaks that rule, I'll kick their ass into next week. You'll be back on Tuesday.

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Monster" by Skillet playing in the end credits)

©2013 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


End file.
